RAINED ON MY PARADE...

Well, I missed my monthlies and I was feeling more bloated than usual (yeah...that's new!). I did the home pregnancy test on 12/3/2010 but it was negative. Still my monthlies, which is usually right on time, went AWOL. So I grumbled and grumbled and finally got my hubby to buy me another home pregnancy test kit. The lady at the pharmacy told my hubby that for best results, the test should be carried out in the morning. So early on 23/3/2010, I took the test again. I didn't expect to see the two parallel lines but there they were!!! I'm pregnant!!!

This to me...is one of the most beautiful sights I will ever behold.

Being diabetic and with having had to terminate my first pregnancy during the 17th week due to my baby's anenchephaly, I quickly called up the Endocrine Clinic at Putrajaya Hospital to set up an appointment. I went to see Dr Alan Pok on 25/3/2010 and he said that I will have to come and see him every week. At the same time I am supposed to get a "combined clinic" appointment, ie. where I will have to attend both the obstetrict and gynae clinic together with the endocrine clinic on the same date. However when I went to the Obs and Gyn Clinic to get an appointment date, I was told that I must first register myself at any "Klinik Kesihatan" in order to get my lovely "pink book". By then, it was already lunchtime and I doubt that any "Klinik Kesihatan" or as they are so affectionally referred to as "KK" would entertain me during lunch. Hmmm...so I went off to Mantin, where the family had an impromptu gathering. My brother and his family came back and I was able to get him to drive hubby and me to the Mantin KK.

My hubby...in the doctor's room at the Putrajaya Hospital.

The Klinik Kesihatan Ibu & Anak at the Klinik Kesihatan in Mantin, Negeri Sembilan.

Upon arrival at the Mantin KK, I followed the signs to the "Klinik Kesihatan Ibu & Anak". There I was given a piece of paper and was asked to present myself at the Bilik Makmal. Upon arrival there I was sent back to the clinic as the nurse had forgotten to write down the test that was suppossed to be carried out. After huffing and puffing back to the "Bilik Makmal" I was unceremoniously handed a container and asked to urinate. So waddle, waddle, waddle to the "water closet", do what I had to do and waddle, waddle, waddle back to the "Bilik Makmal". I left the container at the counter, took a seat and waited.

The "Bilik Makmal" at the Klinik Kesihatan in Mantin, Negeri Sembilan.

My name was finally called and I was handed a piece of paper...(see above)...yup folks, I am officially a certified pregnant lady.

I was then weighed, poked, prodded, asked to wait, prodded again, had my blood taken from me (siphoned is an apt description), asked to wait again, and waited, and waited, sent back to the "Bilik Makmal" where the man shoved another urine sample container in my face and told me to fill it up. I nicely said "Tadi dah buat..." and he replied "Tadi untuk test lain, ini untuk test lain!". Ummm...do I look like a fountain? Doesn't this guy understand that you can't just do your "wee wee" on command, it's an act of nature, you do it when nature calls, you don't call nature up and say things like..."here's a little round plastic container, please fill it up...and by the by, you'll have to to a repeat performance in twenty minutes". Anyways, off I waddled to the "water closet" and I beseeched all the powers of nature to call me so I can answer "nature's call", make sense doesn't it? (Ok, ok...it was extremely warm and the KK did not have air-conditioning, I guess the heat went to my head). But I was able to do a "repeat performance" and produced the necessary "sample".

My brother...who waited along with me and my hubby at the KK...for all his "gruff" exterior...he has a heart of pure gold.

I was then sent back to the "Klinik Kesihatan Ibu Dan Anak" where I was asked to wait (again), ushered into a room where I sat before a nurse and waited (so what's new?), and waited, andwaited, and listened, and listened, and listened to the nurses gossipping, pretended I was not bored, and tried to stifle a yawn, and another, and several others...until finally the nurse deemed that she has written all that she can in the little "Pink Book" and I was ushered into a consultation room to see a doctor. The doctor...looked so sleepy...and was, beside asking me several "pertinent" questions, busy trying to save the electrical medical equipment (Eh? Ok, ok, the medical equipment which uses electricity and hence was plugged into a socket...make sense now?) as there was a thunderstorm brewing, with flashes of lightning and the not-so-distant-roll-of thunder...the works!

The (in)famous "Pink Book" by which you are officially...(drum roll...or in my case rolls of thunder and flashes of lightning...please)...a pregnant Malaysian lady. Ta-da!!!

Anyways, my "good" doctor finished off by telling me that since I'm past forty and diabetic I stand a high chance of having a malformed or as he so "nicely" put it "cacat" baby. NICEEEEE!!! I have been poked and prodded to no end, left stewing in the poorly ventilated KK, forced to listen to the nurses gossing on and on, I was tired, hungry and the @#$%^&* doctor was doing a "House" on me.

"Your love shines the way into paradise...So I offer my life...I offer my love...for you...

I live for your love..."

(Leona Lewis...I See You - OST "Avatar")

I know I have problems but couldn't he have just said something like "Your age and the medical complications that you are facing poses a challenge but "insyaAllah" (the doctor was a Malay and hence a Muslim) with proper guidance and lots of "doa" you'll make it through this. I thought he was just plain daft, high IQ, lacking on the EQ...but boy was I wrong...he was the first in a long of doctors...mostly malay Muslims who "prayed" through their words and their attitude that my baby will turn out abnormal...it was like they were waiting for me to say..."Yes!!! I have committed mortal sin by becoming pregnant...take this baby away, cleanse me of this of freak of nature as only the beautiful, the young, the superbly healthy, deserves to have children!!!".

My lovely niece...Amiera, who will always be the one the only...thank you for allowing Mama to "menumpang kasih"...I hope you will continue to allow me to share in you life and love.

No...no...no...no! I want this baby. I never thought I'll be pregnant again. I had already resigned myself to the life of a doting aunt, "menumpang kasih anak orang" but Allah gave me this miracle and this "dugaan" and I will fight for my baby. I saw his/her heart beating...my baby is alive in me...can't they just do what they have been trained to do? Do whatever they can to save lives? Isn't that part of the oath these doctors took? Why can't they just do that? They are doctors but the power to decide on life and death, on whether or not a baby will be "abnormal" is not theirs...that belongs, my dear doctors, to a far greater power, the Almighty, the All Powerful...

They "rained on my parade"...made me so scared and so very, very sad...why did they have to do that???

So I am putting all my trust in Allah...please, please, please I beg of You Oh Lord, this sinner, this imperfect human being is begging You, please save my baby, make him/her healthy, "sempurna sifat", cantik iman, akhlak and budi, anak yang soleh who will fill the hearts of those who knows him/her with joy...please Oh Lord...I have no where else to turn to...Amin.